Kim Brooks opens up about her weight in her Salon essay, “I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I hate it.” After the birth of her first child, she found it hard to take off the pounds. Now pregnant with her second, Brooks is stressing about the “predicament” she’s found herself in thanks to her approach to eating during her first pregnancy:
For the first time in my life, I felt light and free, even as my thighs and hips grew heavy. I did things I never would have done sans fetus. I “treated” myself to drive-through junior bacon cheeseburgers on my way home from the gym. Guacamole-laden tortilla chips replaced seasonal salad as my first course of choice. I bought a maternity tee with the words, “We’re hungry,” printed across the belly. I didn’t stop exercising, but it seemed like the more I exercised, the more I ate. In 39 1/2 weeks of pregnancy, I gained 39 1/2 pounds, and then delivered, to my astonishment, a little peanut, a 6-pound, 10-ounce baby boy. When I came home from the hospital, I hardly recognized myself. It took me about a year to lose the first 25. I was still working on the last 15 when No. 2 made an appearance on the sonogram screen.
Brooks understands that tabloid stories about stars’ post-baby diets and workout plans are fueling the intense pressure women feel to take off the pounds, but she’s not completely buying the self-acceptance line of reasoning either. In her opinion,Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? and Jezebel’s articles about the dangers of the baby weight craze ignore the fact that most women actually should lose the baby fat.
[T]he big, fat truth is that most mothers aren’t going too far to shed their excess baby weight. We’re not going far enough. Sixty-two percent of American women are overweight, and so for the majority of American women, excess, lingering baby-weight is a real problem: health-wise, self-esteem-wise, and otherwise.
There are plenty of readers who will identify with this point of view, but I would argue that the real problem has to do with another statistic entirely. Instead of zeroing in on the number of overweight women who need to lose the baby weight after pregnancy, we should be focusing on the number of women–of all shapes and sizes–who are struggling with weight issues and poor body image as they enter motherhood. Three out of four American women suffer with some form of disordered eating; it stands to reason that a good number of those women are or will become mothers. We are a nation of chronic dieters and emotional eaters. Some go even further with bingeing, purging, extreme restriction, and overexercise. And whether you wear skinny jeans or plus-sizes, most women have experienced a significant amount of appearance-related stress and anxiety in their lives. When we go into pregnancy with this kind of baggage, it increases the chances that we will find ourselves obsessing over the numbers on the scale or buying into the “eating for two” myth, as Brooks describes.
So what’s the solution? Sure, new moms who get right back on their diets and back on the treadmill might lose some pounds, but they won’t necessarily learn how to eat without scrutinizing points, calories, fat grams, carbs, etc., and they certainly won’t be any better prepared to pass along healthy attitudes about food, weight, and body image to their children.
Brooks points out that many healthcare providers are now beginning to understand that nutritional counseling should be incorporated into prenatal care. If we’re talking about a holistic approach to counseling that will help women of all sizes leave behind the yo-yo dieting mentality in favor of intuitive, healthy eating throughout pregnancy and beyond, I’m all for it. If this adds up to more comprehensive prenatal screenings for disordered eating (beyond the requisite “history of depression” check box) and referrals to qualified therapists, sign me up. And how about some sensitivity training for obstetricians who make weigh-ins the center of every visit and have a tendency to throw their patients into body-loathing tailspins with their offhand and unhelpful comments about extra pounds? Hey, I’ll be the first in line with my endorsement.
Like Brooks, I am also in my third trimester of pregnancy. As someone with a history of eating disorders and disordered eating, I refuse to enter into a fruitless battle to get my body back after my child is born. What I think moms and moms-to-be really need is encouragement to make peace with our bodies–to take care of ourselves with nourishing foods, to find movement and exercise that feels good, and to deal with those lingering body image issues that are really about so much more than weight.
In case you haven’t noticed, there is a whole new lexicon of terms associated with pregnancy and new motherhood, er, make that the bodies of pregnant women and new moms. These catch phrases are a perfect fit for tabloid articles about how much this celebrity gained during those nine months or how fast that one was back in her bikini after birth. But while they might have a cute little ring to them, they’re sending women some pretty dangerous messages. Here are a few of the top offenders we tackle in Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat?
The Phrase: Get Your Body Back!
It’s almost become a given that this goal should be at the top of every new mother’s list of priorities. Forget about getting a handle on taking care of an infant. Forget about giving your body time to rest and heal from the biggest workout EVER (aka childbirth). “Get your body back” is especially nasty because it keeps women focused on the past. It implies that the baby you just birthed has taken something away from you. And let’s face it: if you spend your time and energy focusing on reclaiming something you’ve lost, it’s impossible to move forward.
The Phrase: Baby Bump
Okay, I admit I’ve used this one to describe my own growing baby belly. Among friends and family, I find it sort of sweet. But in the context of tabloid “Bump Watch” and “Bump Alert” stories, it takes on a creepy stalkerish quality, setting up a bizzarro world in which all female celebrities are walking around as Potential Pregnants. Once someone famous is admittedly expecting? Well, then we get to hear all about where she’s shopping, how much weight she’s gaining, and what diet she plans to follow to take it off when the time comes. Another insidious problem with this “bump” description is that it ignores the fact that pregnant women’s bodies (like women’s bodies in general) come in all shapes and sizes. In researching our book, we often talked to women who felt ashamed of their bodies because their pregnancies were bigger than a bump.
The Phrase: Post-Baby Body
This one takes the baby out of the equation entirely. After baby, right? Hmmmm, the fact is that the bambino hasn’t gone anywhere–and by the way, your body just did something pretty remarkable in bringing her/him into the world. So all this “post-baby body” business effectively erases that accomplishment. As Katie Gentile points out in The Daily Beast:
When women shed the baby weight, they are not merely getting back their pre-baby body, they are obliterating all the evidence of ever having had a baby in the first place. This means the one thing that only women’s bodies can do is expected to be immediately erased. The post-baby body is wrung of its recent life-giving feat. Sagging milk-filled breasts must appear perky; the once-swollen abdomen is made concave. It’s as if we should actually believe the baby dropped from the stork, from the sky, from anywhere but that toned, buff body.
When it comes to wiping out the childbirth experience, magazines are now turning to their handy digital erasers to retouch celebrity moms’ bodies. Of her OK! “Body After Baby” cover, Kourtney Kardashian says, “They doctored and Photoshopped my body to make it look like I have already lost all the weight, which I have not.” If anything, this latest Photoshop fumble should prove to women that the perfect “post-baby body” is pure fantasy. New moms are better off setting goals for themselves and their families that are based in reality.
Whenever an actress or pop star comes forward to talk about her struggle with an eating disorder or poor body image, I say a little prayer that she will find true health. I also hope that she’ll speak responsibly about recovery and self-acceptance. Unfortunately, I’m usually disappointed.
The fact is that getting over an eating disorder (or the murkier but more common problem of disordered eating) involves getting away from an obsession with weight, and that’s darn near impossible to do if you happen to be a celebrity–a job that requires you to go on the record about your exercise and diet “secrets” if you want to stay on the publicity train.
Take Katharine McPhee. The former American Idol deserves a lot of credit for being so open about her bulimia treatment, but she’s also got a new album to promote. So there she is on the cover of Shape magazine, talking about her “stronger, sleeker body.” In the interview, McPhee says that her weight loss is due to exercise alone–she claims she doesn’t diet–but as hortense of Jezebel points out, whatever anti-diet message she hopes to send is buried among cover lines like “Stop Winter Weight Gain,” “Eat This, Fight Fat,” and “Drop 10 Lbs”:
[S]eeing a confessed bulimic in a bikini on the cover of a fitness magazine, surrounded by articles on how to blast fat and cut calories, sets off a ton of alarm bells: the entire push of magazines like Shape and Self is that thin=healthy, and that weight loss=fitness, two very warped ideas of both health and body image that are dissected pretty handily during ED treatment.
Courtney Thorne-Smith also battled eating disorders and has spoken out about how the intense pressure to be thin in Hollywood contributed to her struggles. She is now doing commercials for Atkins, which is carefully marketed as the Atkins “lifestyle” and “nutritional approach” (similar to the Weight Watchers “stop dieting, start living” re-branding). But let’s call a spade a spade. Calorie and carb restriction are not on the list of recommended approaches for those recovering from eating disorders.
Other stars who have at one time been heralded for their curves and their positive stance on body image have gone on to publicly diet. Jennifer Love Hewitt famously railed against the paparazzi who took an unflattering photo of her in a bikini, making a statement for the sake of “all the girls out there that are struggling with their body image.” Yet just a few short months later, she was on the cover of Us Weekly talking about how she lost “18 Lbs in Ten Weeks!” In a more recent development, Sara Rue, the plus-sized star of “Less than Perfect” has signed on to be a spokesperson for Jenny Craig.
It’s hard to be hard on these women when you consider what they’re up against. To stay on top in Hollywood, you’ve got to be thin and you’ve got to be willing talk about how you stay thin. And if you’re not a skinny little thing? Well, you’d better be prepared to come out about how you plan to get skinnier. After all, weight and diet questions are staples in every celebrity profile and red carpet interview.
Of course everyone has a right to go on a diet if that’s the path they choose. But stars who have been outspoken about their eating disorders and/or their efforts to promote healthy body image send an especially confusing message when they turn around and tout their weight loss in magazines and TV ads: Love your body, ladies! You can conquer that disordered eating. But wait, wouldn’t you be sooo much happier if you lost a few pounds?
Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? has been on the virtual road over the past few weeks, making stops at lots o’ blogs. A few of our favorite quotes from reviewers:
“Reading this book was like listening to a friend…Obviously, this book is about pregnancy but underneath its healthy dose of humor, it’s about finally making peace with ourselves and our bodies.” –Crazy Suburban Mom
“I found it a very informative, fun read. It’s also an important book since women do so often feel horribly insecure about their bodies.” –Tripping Toward Lucidity
“Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? made me open my eyes to my own pre-conceived perceptions before I had children, what my expectations were while pregnant and the guilt that I had kept buried since then. I even giggled and cheered through the section of ‘The WTF Files: How to deal with dumb comments and stupid moves’…I finished reading with so much to consider. I leave with a whole new outlook on myself, almost making peace with myself after all these years.” –My Organized Chaos
“Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? is a no-holds barred, realistic guide about body image, the media, style, sex, and even breastfeeding. I found it informative, well-written, amusing and quick to read. And there was more than one section that I found myself nodding my head vigorously in agreement…This manual is a wonderful resource for any woman and would make a PERFECT baby shower gift!” –In the Trenches of Mommyhood (leave a comment by Friday, January 15th and you’ll be entered to win a copy).
Thanks to all those who have taken the time to read and review our book. You can check out a full list of tour stops here.
“There is concern that we have lost sight of avoiding harm in the process of addressing obesity.” says Susan Paxton, PhD, FAED, president of the Academy for Eating Disorders. “Further, we cannot ignore the opportunity to create a healthier environment, where people of all sizes are given the opportunity to lead healthy and productive lives, instead of singling out individual groups for reform based on weight alone.” Her organization has developed a set of guidelines for obesity prevention programs, designed to specifically address these concerns.
Of course anyone who raises objection to obesity prevention is fighting an uphill battle in this culture, where “the war on obesity” is a celebrated cause. It’s even on the top of Michelle Obama’s list of priorities as she recently told Barbara Walters. But before we hit the panic button on one “epidemic,” we must not forget that we have another epidemic on our hands: disordered eating. Aside from the millions of people who struggle with full-blown illnesses like anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder, a recent University of North Carolina study showed that more than 65% of American women are disordered eaters. Chronic dieting, overexercising, emotional eating, and a whole host of other attitudes and behaviors might not be diagnosable disorders, but they are certainly affecting women’s health and hindering our ability to fully enjoy life. And how are we protecting our children from inheriting these issues? Call me crazy, but teaching them to count calories and requiring them to weigh in at school might not be the winning strategy. I’m in full support of educating kids (and adults!) about how to make smart choices related to nutrition and exercise, but let’s make sure that we’re not fostering unhealthy obsessions in the process.
As a soon-to-be mom of a girl, I am already completely princessed out and the poor kid hasn’t even been born yet. Avoiding a complete “pinkwash” when it comes to finding fun gifts for girls can be a daunting task, but fortunately there are some creative entrepreneurs and authors on the scene to make shopping much easier this holiday season! Here are my top picks…
Toys & Games Kimochimeans “feeling” in Japanese and each one of these plush toys comes with a unique personality and a set of emotions. Kids can change the emotions as they play, helping them to identify and communicate their own feelings. Available at selected retailers, $25.00 on Amazon. (via Parents TV)
Looking for an alternative to shopping, fashion and makeover computer games? Girls Inc. TeamUp features girl characters working together to solve puzzles (while rocking their dance moves and showing off stellar jumping and throwing skills). As a bonus, players can design their own levels and play custom levels created by other girls. I can speak from experience–this one’s addictive! Downloadable game available online for $19.95.
Clothes Apparel from Girls Can’t WHAT? and Pigtail Pals inspires girls to dream outside of the pink and blue box. Know a girl who wants to be a firefighter? A scientist? A movie director? Encourage her with cool gear that says you believe in her. Order online from Girls Can’t WHAT? and Pigtail Pals. Prices vary, starting at $7.00
Books
I’ve recently been revisiting some of the classics that captured my imagination as a girl. These titles are already warming up my daughter’s bookshelf. I can’t wait for her to discover them.
The Complete Ramona Collection by Beverly Cleary (Yes, the box is a certain pastel color, but I’m willing to go with it here). Oh, how I loved Miss Ramona Quimby. She’s got sass, spunk, smarts, and is always ready to speak her mind. This boxed set comes with all the books in the series, including my treasured Ramona Quimby, Age 8. At bookstores, $26.39 from Amazon.
Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. My feelings about this book have been well-documented, so I’ll just say that any book with the power to bring a manly man trucker to tears is doing a fine job busting traditional gender roles, and more than 100 years after publication at that! At bookstores, $9.95 from Amazon.
Heaven to Betsy and Betsy in Spite of Herself by Maud Hart Lovelace. The Betsy-Tacey series follows aspiring writer Betsy Ray from the time she’s in elementary school through her high school graduation and beyond. The teen books have just been reissued with forewords by Meg Cabot, Laura Lippman and Anna Quindlen. At bookstores, $10.19 from Amazon.
Stocking Stuffers If you’re looking for a few extra somethings, check out Sticker Sisters for some great little items that will make a big impact. The Brave Girl-Aid adhesive bandages for $7.95 are my personal favorite!
The New York Times tackles the breastfeeding diet today. The piece covers the science around the breastfeeding/weight-loss connection (it’s iffy), whether women attribute postpartum weight loss to breastfeeding (some do, some don’t), and how mothers feel about it (it’s complicated).
As a mom-to-be who plans to try breastfeeding–try being the operative word, as I’m of the belief that there are no guarantees and that flexibility goes a long way when it comes to this mothering gig–I feel for mom Jesse Comer, who is quoted in the article: “Nobody wants to admit they are doing it for themselves, or ‘I’m doing it to help myself look hot again’…It’s tough to admit to other people that everything isn’t about the baby.” She’s right. There is pressure from all directions these days for new moms to shed the pounds, while at the same time the Bad Mommy Police are lining up to declare you selfish if your focus shifts away from that precious little child for even a nanosecond. It’s a completely confusing setup at a time when most new mothers are already feeling plenty insecure and vulnerable.
I’m quoted as saying that women who prioritize the weight loss benefits of breastfeeding over the health benefits to their children (not to mention the bonding opportunities) may be battling some deeper body image demons. My co-author and I talked to some of these women when we were researching Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? In fact, nutrition professor Cheryl A. Lovelady suspects that many of those who who say that breastfeeding allows them to eat what they want and slim down might actually be experiencing the after-effects of restrictive eating. If you’re used to constant dieting and subsisting on less than the recommended daily caloric intake, it can seem like quite the bonus when you eat a little more to sustain breastfeeding and you’re still losing weight.
We shouldn’t be too quick to pass judgment on women who sing the praises of the breastfeeding diet or those who find themselves in a body image tailspin as they try to adjust to their bodies after childbirth. After all, preoccupation with postpartum weight is validated on every newsstand and in every mommy group. It’s practically expected of us. But we should challenge this weight loss obsession more deeply. Mothers like Comer, who said she “felt like until the weight was off, I wouldn’t feel myself,” are bound to be disappointed. Not only does a baby change your life permanently, this “get your body back” business is a dangerous, albeit profitable (ka-ching for Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and the like), ruse. Even women who go back to their pre-pregnancy weight will find that their bodies are changed. And if we can’t find ways to accept those changes, we’re going to have a hell of a tough time teaching our children about self-acceptance.
Does This Pregnancy Make Me Look Fat? gets a mention in this Daily Mail article. The piece is written by Sarah Hughes, a mom who worked to overcome her own body image issues.
"A lighthearted guide to combating a silent societal epidemic...[T]he authors do a great service in bringing to light a fear that women may believe they suffer with alone...The concepts and solidarity offered here should prove valuable for millions of American women."
--Publishers Weekly
Whenever an actress or pop star comes forward to talk about her struggle with an eating disorder or poor body image, I say a little prayer that she will find true health. I also hope that she’ll speak responsibly about recovery and self-acceptance. Unfortunately, I’m usually disappointed.
Apparel from Girls Can’t WHAT? and Pigtail Pals inspires girls to dream outside of the pink and blue box. Know a girl who wants to be a firefighter? A scientist? A movie director? Encourage her with cool gear that says you believe in her. Order online from 
The Complete Ramona Collection
If you’re looking for a few extra somethings, check out 